I have a confession to make — for the last few years, I’ve been living a double life. As my friends and family already know, I’ve been stretching myself thin trying to keep a foot in both the USA and New Zealand. For years now, I’ve been bouncing back and forth between the two countries for a few months at a time, trying to keep my job and relationships alive. As much as I wanted to make it work, this lifestyle was unsustainable and stress-inducing in the long term. Here’s why I quit my dream job and what I plan to do moving forward!
Why I quit my dream job
TLDR: Having a job on a different continent is hard and unsustainable.
Expectation…
For the longest time, I was convinced that I could make it work. My company was offering month-long leaves of absence almost every month, meaning I could take tons of time off to live in New Zealand while technically still being an employee (and keeping my flight benefits!).
For the past few years, this (somehow) worked out perfectly for me. I was living in New Zealand during the American winter, coming back for a few months in the summer to work and see my friends and family. Besides being a nightmare to explain on my New Zealand visa application, I figured this solution was the best of both worlds. I could keep my job, working when it was convenient for me, all while creating a new life in a faraway country. What could possibly go wrong?
…vs. reality
Things started getting more stressful towards the end of 2021. As more countries started lifting their COVID restrictions, demand for travel was on the upswing. Airlines were hiring again and more flights were being added back to the daily schedules. Higher demand for flights means higher demand for flight attendants — meaning no more leaves of absence offered by my airline.
Forced with the decision to either move back to the USA or quit my job, I made the rational decision to try to hold onto it while living in New Zealand anyway. For a few months, I made it work by using every available option to drop days. All the flight attendants here will get it — PTO, PD, and DATV are a godsend (when they actually get approved).
Alas, all good things must come to an end. By February 2022, the ruse was up. I could not in good conscience sustain my plan, so quitting was my only and final option. With almost six years under my belt, I officially sent in my resignation and quit my dream job as a flight attendant.
Moving on
These next few paragraphs are for anyone making a big life change — whether it be quitting a job, moving abroad, or taking on any kind of new role. Change is scary, but that’s okay!
Losing my identity
This is one of the questions that scared me the most. If I can’t define myself as a flight attendant, who am I? For years, I was the girl that worked on airplanes. The girl that was always in a different part of the world (catch her if you can!). Because being a flight attendant is more of a lifestyle than a job, it felt like it somehow defined my existence.
After all, “What do you do?” is usually one of the very first questions you ask someone when you meet. And as vain as it sounds, having an answer that made people say “Woah! Cool!” was a source of pride.
I now know that what you do for work doesn’t have to define you. There are so many more interesting things that shape who you are as a person — your life experiences, your outlook on the world, the things you like to do for fun. You don’t have to lose sight of who you are when making a big life change. That person will still be there through it all.
Regrets
Will I regret the decision to quit in the future?
That question still gnaws away at me. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t — all I know is that this was the right decision for me at this point in time. Circumstances change, and sometimes your preconceived notions of the future are shattered to make way for something even better.
More opportunities will come my way
Here’s the thing: I never thought I would become the type of person to actively mourn the loss of a job. I don’t particularly dream of labor (and never have). I would rather spend my life relaxing on a beach than working in any capacity. But that’s why the flight attendant lifestyle was so alluring — the flexibility and amount of time off allowed me to do the things I really wanted to do.
Quitting this job doesn’t mean I won’t ever be able to travel again. It also doesn’t mean that I’ll never find another good job. It might take some time to adjust, but the opportunities are out there.
What’s next?
To be honest, I don’t really know.
I’m still living my best life in New Zealand. I’ve applied for residency, so hopefully that gets approved sometime soon. Job-wise, I’m currently working as a waitress at a local restaurant. I’ve already bought flights to come back to the USA for the summer and I expect to do a fair bit of traveling while I’m there.
I still have a lot of advice to give, so I’ll continue posting flight attendant content on the blog. You can expect to see lots of new posts coming soon!
Thanks for reading this post on why I quit my dream job! Have you ever had to move on from something you loved dearly? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
xoxo Niki
I completely understand your decision, Niki. Balancing between two countries while trying to keep a demanding job can indeed be stressful. Your journey and candid sharing about leaving your dream job are inspiring. Change is scary, but embracing it opens doors to new opportunities. Your positive outlook on what’s to come is motivating. Wishing you all the best in New Zealand, and I’m excited to see your future adventures unfold. Keep sharing your experiences – they’re valuable to others making similar life changes. Your courage shines through, and it’s truly admirable.
DABBIE: After all, 3 days away from home is not the same as working 72 hours. During this time, you have plenty of time to sleep and also to explore the new destination you landed in. That is the reason why the job of a flight attendant is so in demand. You can fly to a foreign country for free, you can stay in a nice hotel there for free and you can spend your free time traveling for free. If an engineer, doctor, saleswoman… any other profession wants to travel, they have to pay for the plane ticket and accommodation. Flight attendants get it for free. |It’s okay to want to quit because the job doesn’t suit you or it’s draining you. But it’s unfair to lie and say you work 72 hours. No, you don’t work 72 hours straight. In my country, firefighters work 24 hours a day. They are not allowed to sleep or leave the base to travel. Can not! They must be ready to jump in the car and drive away immediately. Stop lying about the 72 hour job for flight attendants. You chose this job voluntarily and it is so popular because it includes free travel.
I was a flight attendant for 20 years before giving it up, and to be sure I was never on duty for 72 hours straight without rest. That 3-day trip does, however, mean you’re away from home continuously for that amount of time. So, even the 24-hour firefighter sleeps in their own bed at night more often than flight attendants do.
As far as employee “free” travel (subject to availability as it’s only “standby”): it is not the benefit it used to be. It was almost impossible to make plans or even commute to work in our post-COVID-19 world. Everyone is going wild now and doing absolutely anything to travel anywhere at anytime. While my “free” travel benefits were among my most cherished—and I worked for a major, international airline—getting to use them meaningfully became harder and harder. I was lucky to find a seat just to get back and forth to work—let alone go on a vacation. As an airline employee I actually bought revenue tickets just to be able to make plans and not have the stress of “hoping for” a seat to remain available so I could get there.
I loved being a flight attendant and saw much of the world over two decades. It was a tough decision to leave but over time I changed and so did the job (not to mention the cliente, i.e. customers). Once I made the leap away from the industry I never looked back. I have great memories and loved every minute of flying but am very glad not to do it anymore. My life is far less complicated and stressful and I am much healthier now.
I split time between NZ and the US as an airline pilot. The airline gig was in the US but the family was in NZ. It was unsustainable after only a few months and I ended up quitting. Like you, it was my dream job. The loss of identity you speak of is a tough thing, but once you come out the other side you can overcome it. Thanks for sharing your story, it helps people in similar situations to not feel alone.
Thank goodness I am not the only one that feels this way! I did a google search just now for “why I quit my job as a flight attendant” and came across this page. I needed this today. I am currently a Flight attendant for one of the big US airlines and have been flying for close to ten years. I haven’t worked at all this month and am meant to go in tomorrow for a trip. Just the thought of going in gives me so much anxiety that even though I haven’t worked in nearly 20 days I am already dreading it. So much so that I did a google search for others feeling the same. This job is certainly not what it once was. I leave work after a trip and feel absolutely exhausted mentally and physically. I also haven’t done another career and have no other skills than being a flight attendant. I applied to jobs that would pay less than I make now out of desperation to just stop flying. I feel awful feeling this way because I know this is many peoples “dream job” I just feel absolutely worn down.
I loved this piece so much words can’t describe here! I was just randomly googling “why I quit being a flight attendant”. I worked for your airline (I can tell by the uniform) until Covid first round came and I took the voluntary leave, and then ended up resigning after they had us turn in our duty items and then said never mind that we had to come back and train even though I wasn’t due to fly another few months. I just couldn’t take the back and forth any more. I also was class 1602 and had a freaking epic on-board. I held a line my second month and was San Francisco international. So I definitely had my hey day and WORKED IT. I got really smart, gave up everything, worked the system so I could fly outta base and as much as possible and just sent my spirit to the wind. It was all I had. I excelled. But on the inside I was dying. Physically it was so taxing, I was chronically jet-lagged, couldn’t sleep more than 3 hours at a time, and cried all the time by myself cause I felt so alone. Fast forward and I live in Hanalei Bay as a gardener. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I feel it’s like being permanently grounded, but when I read things like this I am SO GLAD I’m not out there. I think absolutely the biggest part for me was an identity crisis. But-what I’ve come to realize, which might also help you, is my identity, was an illusion. My name tag is like some government ID dog tag. I think of the hundreds I spent on make-up, hair blow outs, nails, all of it, and for what? I’m so free now. My hair goes wild and I can wear a sarong anywhere. I might just be a gardener but I got a good solid 5 year relationship with most the world that’s priceless and even know it’s hard to put on my resume to go anywhere towards a career so I’m glad I didn’t wait another five years. I’m grateful for the time, but I know the lines aren’t as easy as they used to be, and I think I pulled out just in time 🙂 Really grateful you wrote this, I LOVE your outlook and honesty, and I hope you flourish in New Zealand and DONT LOOK BACK
Wow, the last 2 comments hit hard. I started in this industry middle 20s. Now I am a woman of a certain age, looking for another job, because I just don’t want to be a Flight Attendant anymore. Same problem like Dabbie, no skills any company wants. The pay sucks, the benefits are not worth it, paying a lot for crap medical. I work for one of the Big 3. The job is miserable and unbearable. If you stay being a Flight Attendant too long, you will regret it. You will become stuck, while still earning crap pay and no work life balance.
Marie,
I can relate with you 100% and I just hit 11-years, and I want to cry. As I previously stated, I did have another career before joining this airline. I work for the best of the big three with the eggplant uniform. All I can tell you is that ONLY you can change your path. I have to take this advice too. I have started to looking into returning to school for something more profitable. I really don’t want to be a nurse BUT not all nurses work in the hospital or in a clinical setting. Some nurses work behind the scenes like with insurance claims departments, approving or denying medical claims, but in order to get there you do need your RN license.
There are many career options for both of us, but we have to just find what we want and try it out and if it doesn’t work we can try another career. Listen, don’t quit your job just start looking at other options whether it is part-time employment or school. Talk to a therapist too so you can get a better understanding of your feelings and what you need to do for yourself to get out of this situation.
The companies don’t care about us. We are a number and we are replaceable. At one point I thought about becoming a pilot since being a minority or being a woman really helps the odds, but then I thought, “Why? I hate being gone from home 300-hours per month!” So yeah, the thought of putting myself through pilot school to end up back on the plane was like a no brainer. I want freedom out of that bullet in the sky. I don’t want to pack my stuff the day before a trip, to drive to the airport, to go through KCM, to be random, to report, to brief, to fly aimlessly around. I want to feel like I have a purpose.
As for me, I don’t want to return to my previous career. Although I got my degree in that field it is not a place I want to be in again. It really didn’t serve me but it did serve the community and I thought I was happy, but obviously I wasn’t because I left. Again, there’s nothing wrong with trying something new and not liking it. When new hires ask me if I like the job I always respond, “It is too soon to tell.” Hehehehehehe— sorry I had to laugh because they always say. “But you been here for a while based on your seniority.” Again, I tried this for 11-years and I hate it so now I have to try something else. I tried the previous career for 8-years, so it is time to spread my wings… I take that back – it is time to put my car in drive and go do something else.
The flight attendant job is underpaid and absolutely HORRIBLE. For instance, I work for a carrier in the USA which does not have a union for flight attendants. My company is the wealthiest of the major 3 airlines in the USA, but the flight attendants don’t ever see that money. It goes to the pilots and executives.
We are just numbers in this job, so if you need time off get a doctor to write you out for medical reasons (mental health, back pain, anxiety) and take a break. If after one or two months of being off you feel the same way, then this is not the job for you.
I personally hate it! HATE IT! I started 10-years ago, and since then it has changed drastically. M personal advice is DO NOT waste your time as a flight attendant for too many years. I have a college degree ( two of them ) and lots of experience in my previous career, but during interviews now they always ask, “Why didn’t you move up?” Well, there is nowhere to move up to besides management and if you don’t live where your company’s hub is at then you don’t have a lot of moving room. You literally are performing career suicide by sticking to flight attendant for more than one or two years. You are a waiter in the sky and ground people who have jobs don’t really see your purpose outside the plane.
So people think it is cool that you fly places, but when it comes to real world experience of skills, technical skills, knowledge, and how you can benefit a company you don’t have any. You can pour a coke, say sorry, refer people to customer service number or AIRLINE.com website and nothing more. You’re not a nurse, doctor, lawyer, journalist, engineer, — you are a waiter in the sky with no real skill besides customer service which is not valued anymore.
If you’re thinking of leaving — do it after having sometime off. Explore other options but don’t stay in the flight attendant world. For the most part they are single, can’t have healthy relationships, lots of drinking, lots of affairs, lots of disconnects with he world, and they can’t afford to pay their bills because the airlines don’t pay them adequately. You can make 80K if you work hard and kill yourself but after taxes and medical you’re taking home 50K. Rent in a big city like Dallas, Miami, NYC, LAX is from 1800 to 3500, so there goes a bit portion of your check. Think twice! Get a job where you will make money because this job won’t make you happy forever it is literally a job for the young. Like 21-28 is a good time to be a FA otherwise you’re just a has been trying to be a FA. No one likes looking at older flight attendants, the single gals who are unmarried, the single gay men who just sleep around, the bitter betties become outdated. Keep that in mind.
Could somebody please contact me. That last comment was literally ME! I’m 46 and been flying since I’m 23. I’m tired, wilting, all of the above… I have a great schedule but I can’t stomach another flight. It’s ruining my mental health.
Could somebody please contact me. That last comment was literally ME! I’m 46 and been flying since I’m 23. I’m tired, wilting, all of the above… I have a great schedule but I can’t stomach another flight. It’s ruining my mental health.
Carla,
I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time with this job. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I absolutely detest it and make myself sick the day before my trip, and sometimes as I drive to work I cry. The situation has mentally escalated to the point where I seriously think of just crashing my car so I can just call off work as I’m driving there. I wouldn’t want to kill myself because I love myself too much, but we know our managers/crew scheduling is going to be like, “Can you still make report?” They have ZERO pity or understanding for us. I understand we signed up for the job, but we were never told we would face so much abuse from passengers, and so much abuse from the company.
We work 13-hour duty days (max 15.01), have long airport sits (3-5 hours), and spend 72-hours away from home on a three-day trip to be paid for 16-18-hours. It is absolute abuse and makes you question, “Why did I do this?” Making $4,000 a month (take home) after working 120-hour month is exploitation. A fulltime employee at a regular job is gone to work 40 to maybe 50 hours a week, but we are gone 72 hours in one three day. For people who love this job and say, “Oh but I work so little per month,” they are wrong. We work even more per month than the average person. On a two-day trip we are gone 48-hours, so that already is more than the average American on a 40-hour workweek. If you do one three day per week in a month, that is 288 hours per month that you are gone from home. In a regular job you are gone from home 160-170 hours per month. Let’s be real, we couldn’t afford to live just working one three day trip per week, so I usually do a three day and a two day or a one day so I average being away from home well over 320 to 350 hours per month. This job is for the young, the blue collar, the people who have a successful partner who want free benefits to fly, or for someone who just needs a job. This is a settle for less kind of job.
Now, if you share these feelings lets focus on you! What other skills do you have that you can start applying at other jobs. Do you want to move up in the company? Maybe take a manager job for a little to get off the plane? If you just hate aviation don’t just quit. Start doing part-time school for nursing, LPN, or something you enjoy. If you can move in with friends or family to fly less do it! If you cannot then obviously you are going to have to fight on, and I have full confidence that you can do it. Try to cut your spending so you don’t have to fly as much, and try to focus on things you like to do. You need a way out and only you can get yourself out. I am repeating the advice my therapist gave me. Only you know what you like, what you want to do, what you can do. If you are not prepared to do what you want because of lack of education then return to school part-time. You have to give up some of your time, which we know we don’t have a lot, to get to a better place.
Also, remember that you gained from this job by seeing the world. Hopefully you have used and abused the flight benefits, but if you haven’t no worries – when you leave this job and get your other job plane tickets are not outrageous. The cost of flying has become available to average Americans, it is no longer just for the wealthy.
Lastly, it is time to seek a therapist – an outside party! Your friends and family will give you advice and kinda be your crutch, but you need an outside person who doesn’t know you to talk to you. When you get an outsider’s perspective you might open your mind and heart to a new hobby and hopefully a career. Use your company’s mental health program since most if not all US airlines have started taking mental health seriously. A lot of coworkers commit suicide are depressed and are lonely. This job is very lonely. You are over socialized on the plane and then you are thrown into a hotel room to be by yourself in your thoughts. It is a modern-day prison. In the past airlines had a guarantee of pay like 80-hours, but even if you didn’t fly 80 you still got paid for 80. At my company if you don’t fly you don’t get paid, so yeah our employers are not here for us they are here for the shareholders. With that said, abuse their mental health program – do a therapy session weekly or twice a week. My company offers an app and other free resources to speak with a therapist, so you need to get on that quickly.
I really needed this! I’ve been contemplating quitting flying for a bit now. I started at a regional and now I’m at a major for a total of 6 years and some change. I finally made it to the big leagues and I want to quit? I really relate to the fact that I will probably mourn this job too. Some of my closest friends are in this industry as well. Currently I’m struggling with my commute (not as drastic as a continent’s distance, just an 1hr 40 min drive, easily 3hrs with traffic). The people are great, everyday is different but I think I just need more. Let’s email! I really could use your insight for this process!
Best,
Amanda
Hey Amanda! There are so many tough things about this career, I feel ya. Definitely shoot me an email and we’ll chat 💜 nicolejanows@gmail.com
I needed to see this today. I’m contemplating quitting as well, and your point about identity really hit home. The biggest reason for my hesitation??? “Everyone knows me as ‘the flight attendant’!” I almost feel like I’m letting everyone else down when ultimately, the decision is mine. Thank you for sharing, and kudos to you for making the bold decision to walk away. You’ve encouraged me in ways you can’t even imagine. 💙
Thank you so much for your comment Keysha! I hope that you’ve been able to find some clarity and make whichever decision is best for you. It can be hard to think that you’re letting other people down, but in the end it is YOUR life, not theirs! Much love 🤍
Hi Niki ,
When I was reading your story I could see myself literally in your shoes . I quit my job as a flight attendant over a month ago . I was working for 9 years for a middle eastern carrier in the UAE . Just like you I moved to a different country (in my case the USA 🙂 also mainly because my husband who is a pilot got a new job for a US cargo airline . And because of that I quit my job as a flight attendant. Regardless of that I also thought it was time … to move on … especially during the pandemic a lot of things changed . Work got tougher (crazy rosters ) , more flying hours , sleepless nights and non stop back and shoulder pain etc . However I feel I actually started to mourn about not being a flight attendant anymore . It’s crazy honestly I feel like that was who I am , that was my identity and now its just gone . I really appreciate your story ! Because its shows me its normal to feel like this . I don’t know what the future hold for me but I’m excited but also scared for what is coming next … because now in the moment I’m totally lost .
Can’t wait for your next blog ! 🙂
Hey Noemi! Thanks for your comment. Seems like we’re in the same exact boat at the moment!
It’s definitely weird (but also exciting and scary) to start a new chapter after doing something you love for so long. The adjustment process into non-airline life is difficult and takes a bit of time, but hopefully you’ll still be able to get a taste of it with your husband’s job!
One door closes, another door opens, right? Wishing you all the best! 🙂
Really appreciated your story here. I’m on the verge of quitting my major airline. I have 5 and a half years under my belt (so the seniority finally feels worth something) but the job just isn’t what it used to be. I’ve heard a senior FA refer to it as the “golden handcuffs” and it feels so true. I don’t want to regret my decision but there are so many cons along with the pros of the job. I don’t know what kind of more soul searching I need to take the leap of seeing if I’d be happier doing something else. The loneliness of being gone so much and the disrespectful pax just don’t seem to be enough. Any good thoughts on that? Finding my final push?
Hey Brittany,
I’m sorry you’re going through that too, it really sucks 😩 especially since the job has changed sooo much (for the worse) since we started.
I would try to take as much time off as you can before quitting. Look out for any company offered leaves or try getting FMLA for mental health reasons. Stepping away for a bit can help you realize if you’re actually over it for good or if you’re just burnt out. Flying nonstop, especially during the pandemic, can really make you question your life choices so I think it’s a good idea to take a solid break before making your decision.
I definitely miss the perks of the job, but not the job itself. I see all the shit my coworkers have been dealing with lately and it makes me grateful that I don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Shoot me an email if you ever wanna chat! I know it’s a hard choice, especially since it’s such an all-consuming lifestyle rather than just a job.